Mr. AOW, recovering at home from his stroke of September 15, 2009, is an avid collector of jokes and is looking for new material, particularly jokes he can read to his family and friends over the phone. He also likes pictorial jokes to add to his collection.
O.K. Mr. AOW,Your request is my command !Here is joke # 1, which I heard on the Israeli Radio last Saturday, told by Dan Kanner ( Sat afternoon program Presenter & The Israeli Radio Director ! ).( I made some minor modifications in order to make it fit to your "SIZE" !... ).After a long service at sea, the USCMS (United States Cruse Missile Ship), "Obama 1", was ordered to stop its mission in the Eastern part of the Mediterranean sea, (patrolling the coast of Israel and protecting its stupid citizens from being destroyed by the Iranians. ), and return to it's Home Port immediately!On arrival to its Home Port (Northfolk VA... ), the ship's Captain received a letter from a very prominent Lady, ( most probably the same Lady who Christened the ship at the local shipyard a few year earlier...).The lady wrote this:-Dear Captain,Welcome home our beloved heroes ! No words can describe our joy and happiness seeing all of you back again !As a token of our appreciation, we would love to celebrate the successful accomplishment of your mission and invite a delegation from your ship's crew to join us tomorrow and take part in our daughter's high school prom!Please, select some of your best good looking and well mannered men to join the party tomorrow at our ranch.Signed, ( - )P.S. No Jews, Please.After long hours of checking and re-checking the "CREW LIST", the Captain finally made up his mind and selected four of his best officers who will proudly represent the 'Ship's Spirit' and its men.After having Marines class "A" hair cut, ' baby's ass - shave' (and smell ) and their shoes polished so you could see them only by using a welder's mask... the Captain put "The Four Magnificent" on his chopper and sent them to their destination.On arrival, a polite knock on the castle's door was heard. The Lady of the castle opened the door and looked!Her eyes popped out ! Her yaw dropped down, hitting the floor ! Like traffic lights, her face turned from green to yellow and then to HOT RED!She was looking at four tall & handsome US NAVY OFFICERS!They wore beautiful uniforms with a lot of medals on their chests !They had white gloves ! And even a ceremonial swards on their hips !!BUT, THEY WERE ALL BLACK !"There must be a mistake !" she muttered.No Madam, said the senior officer.The commander of our ship, Captain David Goldberg never makes mistakes !!___________________________________________________________
In Hebrew it sounds better!...
Joke #2 for Mr. AOW only !The Prophet of all Prophets, I mean Moses, was asked by G-d after crossing the Red Sea :- "O.K. Moses, the Sinai desert is in front of you now ! Where to do you want ME to take you and your stupid people from here?"
Moses knew exactly where he wanted to go ! ( Like all Israeli Criminals!... ).His plan was to go as far as possible, ( because of the Egyptian he berried in the sand!... you remember that incident,right?...).
His preference was Canada ! But as you know, Moses was a stutterer!...
So, he said:- " C-C-C-C-C-Cna'an! " ...
And since then, we eat SHIT !!!
Mike's America
I'm really terrible telling jokes. But I did put up audio of Reagan telling some of his favorites on my sidebar.Alexander Munch
==="I'm really terrible telling jokes... "===
So, you must be a Muslim !
Alex.
Some music for a change!...
This one was composed specially for the "disabled" ...
Alex News
Mar 29, 2010
To:- Mr. AOW ONLY!
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2 comments:
I printed this out for Mr. AOW. He loves it and told the joke to one his therapists today.
"In Hebrew it sounds better!.."
I don't know how.
I'm still laughing!
Believe me, Mr AOW will love this one.
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